The Verdict

I got my results from the doctors:

Looks like although not a completely classic case, I have Polycystic Ovary Syndrome.

Not classic, as my testosterone levels were normal for a female. But LH and FSH were all out of whack - hence not being able to get pregnant.

On the plus side, Im not diabetic, my liver, kidney and cholesterol were all good. The latter reading showed that I was eating healthier and exercising. It too would be high if I was not. My thyroid was a little underactive, but not alarmingly.

Still digesting the news, a lot to take in, a lot of tears. Have started on a medication, and while I thought I could wean myself off my antidepressants - Im just not that strong, so am back on them.

I have a referral to an endocrinologist to assess further. Its the public system so who knows when that will be.

So its a reason I struggle to lose weight - not an excuse. For now Im just trying to take it all in, and it becomes more important for me to try and lose weight as that will help. Although PCOS is not solely caused by being overweight. I also learnt that fat is now known to secrete hormones like oestrogen, and apparently my fat is not mobile (I can see that just by looking in the mirror!).

I would like to say I have the most supportive husband and parents. My husband has been especially amazing. I now realise the true meaning of our wedding vows, and how special they really are.

Bits and Bobs

A whirlwind time....I need to update.

On the weight loss, while this is the focus of my blog, it has taken a little of a backseat. Not that Im not exercising or trying to eat well, I just have other priorities at the moment. Subsequently I havent been to WW for two weeks. I will go this week, I promise!

What else has been going on...

Well after being told I may not be able to have children, I tried to be positive and think everything was ok. I went to the doctor and have had blood tests done. No results as yet, but they seem to think from my symptoms - it may be Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. There are treatments but no complete cure. Being me, I did a lot of research, but am in limbo until tomorrow when I get the results. I have cried a lot realising Im not going to handle it well, lost my cool a number of times (including at the blood clinic when they said I had fasted too long and needed to come back on Monday....yeah not pretty)...Poor Anthony....he has been so supportive.
Anyway, cant do anything until the results come back.

Ive now been to three sessions of NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming), to reframe my mind, thoughts and behaviours on food. I have got a lot out of it. Some of the thoughts Ive had have completely slanted how I look at food and myself. Hard to explain, but look at how I see myself now and where I want to be, how I will look and feel and what will it take to get there. Visualisation is a key to this and when used last week, it was so vivid, and brought even a smile to my face when I could see me and my best friend Fran trying clothes on in Max - being similar size (when she isnt pregnant ;) ) and loving it. I also saw myself pregnant surprisingly it was at school. Positive, something I need right now. Tonight, it was focussed on how I saw food now and how I want to see food in the future.

I said I wanted to see food as a fuel, then modified it into seeing quality food (with good choices)as an energy source. With energy it allowed me to want to exercise more, stress less, and cope better. Plus again it may increase my reproductive fitness and make me smaller. This is a brief summary - each session is 90 minutes so a lot more goes on.

My biggest realisation - Fat does not taste good....why have I thought this for years??? I've never eaten lard or fat. Fat is not linked to flavour.....can't believe I had this assumption in my head. I guess its part of the process.

Anyway bootcamp intermediate starts tomorrow morning at 6am - inside and undercover this time - who knows what this will bring???