New Goal

A few weeks later and what has happened....well I haven't been to WW for a few weeks. My depression got the better of me, and I burnt out after boot camp, blood pressure dropped, so have been resting up for the past week or so.

Went to the doctor, as no pregnancy luck. I could see in her eyes, she doesn't have a lot of options left. She wants me to consider spending a lot of money on lap band surgery ($15-20,000) - don't have it anyway. However, at this point I don't want it. I'm not in this for a quick fix (although if it didnt cost anything, I may have considered it), but its not going to make me fit. I told her Im the fittest Ive been for ages, smaller now than what I was when having periods so don't get it. My cholesterol is fine, and don't have diabetes. So next step - referral to the gynocologist/fertility clinic to see if taking chlomiphene will be an option. I wasn't upset so much this time....see what happens I guess. Reading info on it, weirdly enough, Body builders use it as it is a steroid....eeek! I've also started thinking about adoption.

Anyway, still getting hypnotised. It's awesome! Last one this week coming. Not sure if completely working, but only time will tell. Need to saturate the sub consciencous with suggestions over and over. I have a very strong mind over matter - could explain a lot with how I think!

Just found out next boot camp is early October - outside one - hoping for more car pulling :)

At the weekend, I spent it at Fitness testing/profiling school for my uni paper. It was at the stadium. Totally wicked weekend - met people on my course, got to design fitness circuits and show fellow students how they worked, learnt how to take blood pressure, and do skin fold tests, looked a facilities to use to measure if people have the right positioning in exercises (called time warp). We also had to give a presentation on a programme profile for an athlete of our choice. I used a volleyball player from a school team. Even though Im a teacher, I hate getting up infront of my peers, but I think it went alright, although won't know I guess until I get the mark, but good feedback - especially since I was the only one who hasn't or isn't in the fitness industry! I am heaps more confident in writing fitness programmes for people now!

The other thing I decided after being all inspired! Im going to do the Ocean Swim on January 30th - not the 2.8 km but the 750m swim in the Wellington harbour. I figure I can do this, and be a good way to get back in the pool and increase my fitness further. I also figure I need a distraction - and this one is a healthy one!

Below is a couple of pics of my rugby team Im manager for at school. Got to the finals but got beaten by St Marys - great team though! :) Proud of them!

Okay, stop procrastinating Cassie - do some exam marking!

2nd bootcamp almost done!

Three weeks of boot camp down, now in the last week. Different to the first one, this one has mainly been gym work with warm ups consisting of runs, or going up and up and up stairs, and then again with weights. I have got a lot fitter I have noticed, and while still a bit behind in the runs, I am not that far behind and am running further before I need to walk...yay!

The gym work consists of intense circuits, do it for a minute then onto the next exercise. I like the boxing stuff, thats fun. I dislike tricep dips and these things called Russian twists which after 5...Im done! Im the only girl in this group and its great...I told them it was like being in a gorilla pit. The boys took no offence and embraced it. No sympathy, lots of taking the piss, and even a phone to tell you that you suck when you sleep in (needless to say, I have not missed a session since then!). All in all it is good, but sometimes knowing I have to go to work afterwards and not back to bed makes the day a little longer!

On the weight front, this last week I put on 2 kilos...what the hell?? My weight has jumped around the same point for about a month now. One week a gain, next week a loss. Im not quite sure what is going on...probably the damn hormones in their viscious cycle. I get so close to my 10% weight loss mark and then I put on 2 kilos and it feels ripped away. Last week I did indulged a little but with all the exercise I am doing I did not expect such a jump up. So weight loss is now at 15.4 kilos (I think), which is dumb and I am disappointed in myself. Guess will have to work that much harder!

The Wii is cool and will get into in more when bootcamp finishes. It was just too much doing the workouts there, walking and doing the boot camp, and then working and having some energy left over. The wii has a great variety of workouts, and include tennis, boxing and basketball..nice!

Im still not pregnant and got down about it again last week. The abundance of pregnant people Im noticing around and at work just doesnt help. It has become my achilles heel, and even just the thought of it now can make me cry. Anyway went to my NLP therapist last week and told him about this. We had a hypnotherapy session in which I cannot tell you what he said, he worked on my self esteem. I completely relaxed, and it was awesome. This week the hypnotherapy will focus on my relationship with food and exercise, and making me more positive about becoming pregnant as apparently my mindset is becoming increasingly negative. Here's hoping!

The Wii

We bought a Nintendo Wii last weekend, me getting games that are exercise workouts. Im trying to jazz up my fitness regime and when my Les Mills contract is finally up, I figure that membership will pay for the Wii.

Any who, today I did my first workout. It was cool, you get to create a profile of yourself - shape, hair, clothes, hat, shoes, gender. This was EA sports active Personal Trainer.

I chose the 30 day challenge starting initially on the low intensity programme. The programme today consisted of walking, running, boxing, squats (they are everywhere), rows, bicep curls, inline skating and side lunges. I honestly had a sweat on at the end - gained two trophies - completing day 1 and burning 100 calories - I love the trophies! I really recommend it, looked a little munterish at times BUT its in the privacy of your own home.

Also managed a half hour walk too - good day for exercise!

On the week - a really varied week - did not get enough exercise in and I have had huge cravings for chocolate! I have indulged too, two lots of indian/asian in 2 nights. Ouch. I gained a kilo at WW this week - I actually wasnt that upset about it - I could see where it came from!

Observations noted -

Being a parent to three kids would be an easy way to keep fit - I helped out on Saturday night at Aarons, and being the tickle monster, the train driver, the seeker takes it out of you - I slept well that night!

Dont go to bed angry with your husband - our first major fight with shouting - got the bed to myself - but no good sleep - resolved now though, but if you want sleep do it before you want some!

I notice cliques at work even though Im in my 30's, there is still exclusion. Is that just because I work as a teacher, or does that occur in what ever job you are in?

We got the Picton house for the holidays - Yay!!! Lets hope for good weather :)

Have a good week.

On the up...

Hard to believe school holidays are over already!

Things have been going well over the last couple of weeks. Im feeling fairly upbeat about things, have rested a lot and caught up with family and friends over the last couple of weeks.

I visited Dunedin to see family and meet my best friends bubba Otis. What a cute baby and so good too. I'm glad I was in a better place to be excited for Frances and Shane and their new arrival :). Spent lots of time and was amazed how well Frances is doing - such a natural mum!

Just completed session 8 of my NLP therapy. Concentrated on exercise and started self esteem and working on feeling better about myself. While I know and have become more aware

of food, where I want to go, and know that I have lost weight and inches, I still have a poor picture of myself. We're working on that, and now Anthony is pulling me up on each time I dont take a compliment or put myself down. Apparently it is quite a lot.

Bought a nintendo wii today - with a wii fit and a couple of exercise programme games (also some other games and shoot 'em ups for Anthony). I'm trying this new way of exercising, looks fun!

On the weight loss, am down another 1.1 kilos now (2.4lbs). Stoked! Now Im at a 17.5 kilo loss (38.5lbs). While Im sure Ive gone over my 10% goal - the WW people said I have a little more to go (900g). Im sure I got there this week with my calculation - no matter - I'll get it and that keyring to show it too :)


May it be a good week!

A Month on....

I realised it has been a while since I updated things. Last time I posted, I was in a fairly dark place, and not too happy about life in general.

A month later.....

Things have changed along the positive route.

Firstly, the PCOS. I went to the Endocrinologist at the hospital. My results in his words... "Nothing spectacular" - said in a dry doctor monotone. What does this mean? Well, while some of my hormones are out of whack, they are not off the charts, and while they could be linked to PCOS, it is not a full blown case, and I am merely showing some vague symptoms of it.

YAY! This was the best news ever! It literally changed my view on things. To work on my hormones, I went on high progesterone pills to bring my period back....which worked!!! After my own research, I may need to do this for a couple of months to get them more regular. I cut the metformin out for a while and am returning to it gradually. This should help with other hormones. So there is hope! I am a changed person from a month ago. I have also talked to a lot of people, some of which have had PCOS or hormone issues but have beaten the odds and have had children. Once the cycle has sorted itself, work on ovulation and fertility.....never know that may come on its own :)

On the weight loss.....

I took 6 weeks off WW. It was just something I could not deal with. I was pretty good with exercise and eating. The best news was when I went back on Saturday, I had lost 2.8 kilos (6.2lbs).

That was a pleasant surprise. Now brings my total weight loss to 16.5 kilos (36.3lbs). YAY!

I continue to go to my Neuro Linguistic Therapy. Its doing wonders, and is increasing my awareness of how I think, misconceptions about food that have been ingrained into my head for years and years. And some of the real underlying reasons, I want to lose weight, be fit and healthy. The same words kept popping up.

FREEDOM

CONFIDENCE

HAPPINESS

HEALTH

I'm now working on my beliefs, and aligning my identity with my behaviour. So interesting!!! And when you work through it it makes so much sense.

For the next couple of weeks, I'm on holidays, spending some time in Dunedin with my family and my best friend who had a baby (Otis) a couple of weeks ago. What a cutie he is :) My husband and I have adopted a friend's cat while she does her OE overseas (rescued it from the SPCA). Interesting dynamics with Honey the pup. Anthony is positive they will be friends...we'll see!

Till next time....hopefully not as long between posts.

The Verdict

I got my results from the doctors:

Looks like although not a completely classic case, I have Polycystic Ovary Syndrome.

Not classic, as my testosterone levels were normal for a female. But LH and FSH were all out of whack - hence not being able to get pregnant.

On the plus side, Im not diabetic, my liver, kidney and cholesterol were all good. The latter reading showed that I was eating healthier and exercising. It too would be high if I was not. My thyroid was a little underactive, but not alarmingly.

Still digesting the news, a lot to take in, a lot of tears. Have started on a medication, and while I thought I could wean myself off my antidepressants - Im just not that strong, so am back on them.

I have a referral to an endocrinologist to assess further. Its the public system so who knows when that will be.

So its a reason I struggle to lose weight - not an excuse. For now Im just trying to take it all in, and it becomes more important for me to try and lose weight as that will help. Although PCOS is not solely caused by being overweight. I also learnt that fat is now known to secrete hormones like oestrogen, and apparently my fat is not mobile (I can see that just by looking in the mirror!).

I would like to say I have the most supportive husband and parents. My husband has been especially amazing. I now realise the true meaning of our wedding vows, and how special they really are.

Bits and Bobs

A whirlwind time....I need to update.

On the weight loss, while this is the focus of my blog, it has taken a little of a backseat. Not that Im not exercising or trying to eat well, I just have other priorities at the moment. Subsequently I havent been to WW for two weeks. I will go this week, I promise!

What else has been going on...

Well after being told I may not be able to have children, I tried to be positive and think everything was ok. I went to the doctor and have had blood tests done. No results as yet, but they seem to think from my symptoms - it may be Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. There are treatments but no complete cure. Being me, I did a lot of research, but am in limbo until tomorrow when I get the results. I have cried a lot realising Im not going to handle it well, lost my cool a number of times (including at the blood clinic when they said I had fasted too long and needed to come back on Monday....yeah not pretty)...Poor Anthony....he has been so supportive.
Anyway, cant do anything until the results come back.

Ive now been to three sessions of NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming), to reframe my mind, thoughts and behaviours on food. I have got a lot out of it. Some of the thoughts Ive had have completely slanted how I look at food and myself. Hard to explain, but look at how I see myself now and where I want to be, how I will look and feel and what will it take to get there. Visualisation is a key to this and when used last week, it was so vivid, and brought even a smile to my face when I could see me and my best friend Fran trying clothes on in Max - being similar size (when she isnt pregnant ;) ) and loving it. I also saw myself pregnant surprisingly it was at school. Positive, something I need right now. Tonight, it was focussed on how I saw food now and how I want to see food in the future.

I said I wanted to see food as a fuel, then modified it into seeing quality food (with good choices)as an energy source. With energy it allowed me to want to exercise more, stress less, and cope better. Plus again it may increase my reproductive fitness and make me smaller. This is a brief summary - each session is 90 minutes so a lot more goes on.

My biggest realisation - Fat does not taste good....why have I thought this for years??? I've never eaten lard or fat. Fat is not linked to flavour.....can't believe I had this assumption in my head. I guess its part of the process.

Anyway bootcamp intermediate starts tomorrow morning at 6am - inside and undercover this time - who knows what this will bring???